It’s been an experience, being out here. Really getting started on what I know I’m made to do. I’ve changed, in big ways, and surprisingly, the changes have come softly, and with a quiet sublte persistance. I’ve wanted, for a long time, to have the focus and drive I needed to really propel myself. And I hoped for it, and made resolutions on new years and Rosh Hashanna, and new semesters and as I purchased my textbooks. And I never backed myself with anything more than good intentions, and I always fell short, and continued milling in my endless supply of distractions.
I can make endless excuses. Back home there was always someone leaning over my shoulders, pressing on the top edge of the blades and bending me with questions and pressure. I let them bend me to the point where I couldn’t function. And I let stress make me lazy and I put things aside for “a time when I could breathe again”. I allowed opprotunity to pass half appeased. In the end, though, it comes down to me, and I let myself down again and again.
Coming out here I wrote “I know I must exceed my highest expectations”. Those expectations were what I’d been hoping to become for years. And I had minimal faith that I’d finally break through into that person I knew I could be. And I’m not there yet, but I am working steadily.
These days I work at My pace, and it works for me. I divide my time as I see fit and stress and pressure no longer more than the bare necessity role needed for deadlines. These days I pay mind to distraction, but not in excess. I’ve reached the point where I read research papers and journals over and over because I can question them, and weave them into what I plan to answer. I see spectrograms in the cirrus clouds and hear whales in birdsongs and rainfall and wonder how else to interpret them.
I’ve been told more than once that I’m chasing “the holy grail” in regard to what I want to research. And that only makes me want it more. And this time, I’m more than hoping; I’m proving to myself that I can achieve it.
And ironically enough (though 2 days late)… Happy Rosh Hashanna. L’Shanna Tova.
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The hydrophone array (or what we call the Sea Snake) I am using for my project kept breaking, the software Ishmael I use to analyze the recording wasn’t working, my computers hard drive broke, and the propulsion system on the boat was on the fritz. That’s what happened for our first 2 weeks at sea. Everyone handled it well (especially Mike our relief captain who had to deal with lots of things going wrong). What I have to say to that is oh well! Being out on the boat was amazing! We finally got to see the whales (the reason we are out here) up close and personal, actually try the methods we have been figuring out since we got here, got to interact with more visiting researchers, learned the basics of how to sail and living on a boat (cleaning, cooking, passage planning, maintenance etc.), get to be a part of pioneering and promoting a quieter more environmentally friendly way to sail/motor, and nothing beats being out on the water. So yes, lots of things went wrong, but that’s life and that’s what happens in science.
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So, before I launch into an update about the last week, and all of our marvelous adventures, I’m going to talk about this evening.
This evening I was supposed to go into dinner, grab a quick bite to eat at Downriggers (my favorite restruant on the island – try the Angels on Horseback, they’re fantastic) and then meet the rest of the girls at the movies to go see “little miss sunshine” at 6:45. Well, I didnt get my card and the rest of the check back until 6:46, and decided upon exiting the establishment, that there was no point in running up the hill to be a little late for a movie that I hadn’t heard of til I got to the island, and knew nothing about. So, instead, I decided to walk back to the labs while it was still light out, and enjoy the island as I went.
I got as far as the community theater.
I stopped by initially because it was the last weekend for the local playwrights festival and I decided to see what was going on there this weekend, since we have it off. As it turned out, I hadn’t missed that evenings performance, and in fact, I was right on time. Half an hour before the show started, and at a student discount, my ticket was $5 for four short plays. I went into the entry area and wandered through a local (islands) art exhibit – ceramics was the media, and there had been all sorts of awards divied out to the entrants. It was nice, and some of the peices were quite impressive. I purchased a glass of San Juan Vinyards red wine and took my seat as I waited for the show to begin. When it did, I was pleasantly surprised. It’s difficult to find a cast of people who can carry a show, but these were all strongly carried by 1, 1, 2, and 4, people. All very well acted, and very well done shows.The fourth was my favorite, surprisingly with the most cast. A young, 11yr old girl, and an older woman who played her grandmother, stole the show. It was a strong, solid play. As I walked home I passed the school where a football game was winding down, the next third of my trip was full of cheers from the game – even as I turned onto University Road. Friday Harbor is a good little community.
It’s funny, how you can surprise yourself sometimes with the spontaneous descisions you make. Initially, when I went inside to ask about the weekends events, and heard about the festival, I thought, oh, well i can come back and see it tomorrow. But I never would have done it. I realized that and said, you know what? Who cares if it’s dark when I walk home? What do I have planned for the rest of the evening? And I bought my ticket.
Walking home was intimidating. As a rule, I dont like walking outside in the dark (unless I’m somewhere well lit), particularly if I’m in the woods. Growing up in the forest, that might be surprising, but it’s true. I hated it, and couldnt do it. I did that tonight. I walked over a mile in the dark, and about half a mile in the dark where the only light was from my cell phone. I didn’t call anyone for company, and I was able to stay calm, and walk at a quick, but comfortable, pace. it may seem silly, and it may seem small, but this was a big acomplishment for me. It was the first step towards proving to myself that I could make it on my own. In the middle of nowhere. Alone, but doing what I love. I’m really proud of tonight. Tonight was a truely fantastic evening.
And now it is definately time for bed! goodnight all!
ps – in case you hadn’t noticed, lots of pics have been posted in the first two entries. and more are soon to follow! 🙂
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A full moon sets over Haro Strait.
As a co-founder of the Beam Reach program, I have a great drive to make the second season successful. So I have to admit I was nervous and had a lot of questions in mind as I drove up from Seattle for a first visit during the third week of the fall program. How were Jason and Donna faring during their initial weeks as instructors? Had our admissions process selected a group of students who could learn and live together? Would I still feel excited about my plan to go to sea for a week this fall with a new baby and her lovely family beckoning from Seattle?
I gathered data to answer these questions during the busy week. Lecturing on marine geology and physical oceanography of the Salish Sea gave me a sense of the students’ inquisitiveness and academic endurance. Participating in a peer-review of proposal drafts gave me insights into the students’ mutual respect and Jason’s and Donna’s talents as facilitators and collaborators. More insights into each student’s curiosities and demeanor came when we asked questions after great guest lectures from Dave Bain, Jeff Nystuen, Lynne Barre, and Peter Westley, and short talks by Brad Hanson and Robin Baird. I think I may have increased anxiety unnecessarily when I reviewed what methods of provisioning, living, and researching worked (and didn’t) last year during the sea component, but the group persevered, tackled all the logistical tasks with amazing teamwork and efficiency. I was astonished that shopping for $800 worth of provisions took us only two hours!
By the end of the week, all of my concerns had dissolved. Jason and Donna have formed a resilient teaching partnership and they are well on their way to pioneering a team-teaching culture at Beam Reach. They have already derived ways to coordinate their efforts and be more efficient than Val and I were during the pilot program. Their best innovations, I think, are lunchtime meetings for lesson planning and mentoring 3 students each, rather than all students together. As a teaching team, we still have ideas to try (Skype conferencing may help coordinate between on-campus instructors and intermittent teachers, like Val, me, and the guest experts), but Jason and Donna are clearly excelling as they implement and improve the Beam Reach curriculum.
It was a real treat for me to meet Beam Reach class 061 in person. I met Peggy and Rena on the ferry as they returned from a respite in Seattle. Erin, Emily, Colleen, and Juliette introduced themselves as class started on Tuesday morning. I was immediately impressed with their amiable personalities and the progress they had made (in just 2 weeks!) on drafting their research proposals. They had already figured out how to shop, cook, and clean together, and I could sense that as a group they had the potential to survive the intensity of going to sea together for an extended period. In fact, after just a day or two, I was confident that I wanted to go to sea with them — and that’s a critical measure of the effectiveness of our admissions process! Our challenge as a school is to admit students who will be challenged enough to grow, but not so challenged that they compromise unduly the experience of their peers or instructors. There’s a lot of sea time and stress ahead, but my first impressions suggest this group will flourish together.
So, I will go to sea again, but I realize now that I’m lured for many reasons. Haro Strait surprised me during my visit by tantalizing me anew with mystery and beauty. Strange sounds surged from the hydrophones and kept me peering from the bluff, rocking Cora for hours. (I’m now in agreement with Val that the “heavy breather” is the local harbor seal.) Wild currents pulled my imagination into the realm of vortices, temperature profiles, and estuarine flow theory. The resident orcas were strangely elusive, making me wonder if they were reacting to the unusually high fraction of the Fraser fall-run Sockeye that is reportedly returning via the northern end of Vancouver Island. As the full moon set over Haro Strait and I sang my son back to sleep, I realized that my own curiosities about the ocean have been left unsated too long. I’m enthusiastic about this class and I’m clearly still lured by the sea itself.
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When I thought about what I’d be doing when I finished my MS degree, being a member of the Beam Reach instructor team was not necessarily what I expected…it’s more that I just didn’t think a program like this would be a possibly, nor that I would find something like this in the Seattle area. It has been a joy to be involved with Beam Reach. I have been able to match my interests and excitements in teaching, research, outdoor adventures, whales, and being on the water all in one program. Who knew?!
Our first three weeks were content-packed, from a student’s learning perspective to a teaching and preparation perspective for Jason and I. And now, in our fourth week, we sit at anchor aboard the S/V Gato Verde watching as the first hints of pink color the clouds to the west. We’ve had a wonderful and adventurous first few days introduction to sailboat living. After my previous several month sailing experiences in the South Pacific aboard the mono-hull S/V Resolute, catamaran living is pretty cushy! I am amazed at the incredible amount of space, comfort, and ease of sailing the green cat. It’s been so fun to watch the students haul their first mainsail, lower the anchor, and help tack. I can’t wait to see them enact their research plans, too!
We have also guided discussions about how we impact our environment and the ethics of being human players in an ocean ecosystem, connected to larger global economy. Each student must decide what ‘sustainability’ means to them, consider their individual ecological footprint on natural resources, and act on their choices. From dietary preferences, where to pump out wastes generated on the boat, and how much water to use when cleaning dishes, we are confronted with these decisions on a daily basis, particularly when living in a self-contained island of resources like a 42 foot boat.
I have learned so much already from each of the students, Jason, the rest of the support staff, and this experience. My biggest joys have been moments interacting on a 1:1 basis with each student—we have a fantastic group of individuals with different experiences, aspirations, and knowledge. Jason and I have a great, dynamic working relationship, with wonderful support from Scott, Val, Leslie, and now Todd. Can’t wait to see how the rest of our adventure goes.
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I saw my first Orcas this past Thursday!!! They were transients, and over a mile off, but still visible w/o binocs. So Amazing – saw two spyhops… the first 1/3rd of the whales was the size of the NOAA research inflatable that was right next to it! And that little boat held 4 people! damn… I love it. I can’t wait to get closer and see some more whales. The residents are a tease!! They got in Friday afternoon and then totally bailed and went back out to whereever they’ve been that evening… so no chance to do any research or test any data sheets yet. I’m a little anxious, but what else is new? haha. Anyways, Whales are awesome. Harbor seals are adorable. Porpoises are nifty little torpedos and I haven’t showered in a week! (noone ever said research was glamourous!) Luckily, we’re on land for the majority of today, so we’ll be able to shower, do laundry, etc.
My friends from Spirit are reading this and thinking – Shower? After one week? talk about Spoiled! (Not to mention the coolest most baddass whales in the world.) Seriously though guys, I’m going nuts. Our captain doesnt like to coil and hang lines on this ship! that means there are messy. uncoiled. lines. ON THE DECK! EEp! I can hear Mr Mosely yelling at me from across the country. haha. On a cool note our relief captain Mike Dawson came aboard yesterday and he’s sailed Spirit, and Westward! So it’s good to have a tall shipper on board. And he knows Mr (now Captain) Mosely & Captain Flansburg, but doesn’t yell as much :).
Thats all for now! Wish me whales! haha muah
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Wednesday September 13, 2006
Today was our second day fully at sea and our real first gloomy day. Everyone had to throw on an extra layer. Wind was good for sailing and we even got some pretty good waves that made the boat go up and down. We had fresh pancakes this morning from Jason and Peggy with Jason’s bread machine. My compliments to the cooks, but I would like walnuts in mine next time, thanks. We had our first dump of our dump today and that went faster than expected. I stood upwind. Soup was an almost must for lunch because of the ‘cool’ weather. I saw a harbor seal stick it’s head up around some gulls and if you can identify which gulls they were, more props to you. We also saw the NOAA group on their cool looking boat in their warm gear. Wish we had an opportunity to swap boats for an hour or so. They were on their way to Canada to tag the transients while we sailed along. We got our first attempt to drop our equipment in the water, ya that was interesting for everybody. We discovered if we saw whales tomorrow (which we have not yet seen) we could probably not get any real data. That’s fine with me because I am taking this as the test run it is. We were able to anchor in Mitchell Bay and I got the Internet for about two seconds and that was it. As fast, and I do mean fast, these last two days were the fresh breath of air I needed while I was drowning in the wealth of information. I actually got in some exercise, so to speak, while I am getting more familiar with the boat. It feels so good to just sit on the trampoline and feel the cool breeze pass over you and listen to the waves crash. I must say again, thank you mom.
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Tuesday September 12, 2006
Well yesterday we set off on a bright beautiful late afternoon and headed over to Shaw Island to moor overnight. Well there was too many boats so we headed out to Jones Island where they were even more boats, but we had to stay instead of island hopping in the dark. Peggy is my cabin mate and we unpacked our stuff in Cabin B. Juliette had an unfortunate accident when her brand new digital camera went overboard, just 20 minutes before we set anchor for the night. A moment of silence for the camera. Peggy and Colleen made a great green curry for dinner that was a recipe from the 2005 crew (thanks).
Today we went sailing and it was a lovely day. Once we finished cleaning the boat we learned some sailing terminology. Then it was about time for lunch. We were hoping to be able to sail by this time but the wind was lacking in the area. We motored out on the biodiesel engine and finally the wind came to help us out. I love the trampoline on the bow of the boat. It is so relaxing when the sun is gracing us with its presence. At one point I went to the back of the boat (stern) and saw Peggy steering the boat. So cool! It was then my turn and I jumped at the chance. It was a little scary after the last little boat I learned to sail was very ‘tippy’. This is more like a car and was much easier once you got the hang of it. I then was able to steer doing a tact because an aircraft freighter was headed our way. They weren’t able to tell which country it belonged to but it had a Canadian flag on top and the US flag was on the bottom, but the US was bigger. Who knows?
I was able to talk to Adrian today and it’s weird to think he is on the opposite side of the country on Capital Hill and I’m living on a sailboat in waters between US and Canada. Adrian, when you read this remember I am coming home with a new peg leg, eye patch and a Belted Kingfisher on my shoulder. Aaarrgghh! I became the pirate of the ship yesterday when I got something in my eye and couldn’t quite get it out for about 3-4 hours. I’m all good now. Can’t wait to get out there again tomorrow.
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Getting on the boat in a couple hours, after a crazy, nonstop week! Talk about exhilarating and exhausting! Tons of experts – David Baine, Robin Baird, Jeff Nystuen, Lynne Barre, etc etc etc etc! Phew! Great week overall and feeling pretty excited about my project. This update is rushed and lame, so I’ll end it here and wait till I have more important stuff to chatter about – like seeing my first orca!!!
Awooooo phftttbbb!
Send me your addy people. I’ll write you dorky postcards with inane whale stories 🙂
dream.of.orcas@gmail.com
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I haven’t been staying up to date on my blog book, oops. This is not because there is a lack of things to write about but because there is lack of time to write about everything. The past two weeks a lot of things have happened lets see if I can remember it all… we have had many many many guest lectures that all gave very interesting talks. It’s really cool to have contact with them, bounce ideas off of them, and learn about their research. We went on a tour of the Center for Whale Research, played down at the dock with some hydrophones, and had a lovely potluck dinner down at smugglers cove. Labor day weekend, people scattered about to Seattle and Victoria. I stayed on Island and spent Sunday on the water with Kari and Soundwatch which was so much fun. Tomorrow we leave for the first 2 week excursion on the boat! I am so excited! We have spent the last few days, once it hit us that we were 54 hours away from boarding, running around making lists, buying food, packing, debugging equipment, downloading software, and building all sorts of things. Hopefully everything will go relatively smoothly… either way it will be great to be on the water and with the whales!
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